While cruising through
BP, looking at/reading profiles, I ran across a page that pinched me. I was annoyed after reading it. The person was complaining about people who "talk about it" In reference to Spike Lee's new movie, Bamboozled. After reading the person's profile, I thought -
hmmm, he's guilty of the same thing he's saying about other people. He's doing alot of talking too. We all do, isn't that why we come equipped with lips, tongues and vocal chords?
Though aot of what he says is true, still, Spike's an artistic messenger. Like I wrote yesterday we all have tasks, there are those who do the talking, those who are listening and those who do the doing - we all need each other. The leader needs those who can follow. The captain needs those who can carry out an order. Its called chain of command.
There are times when actions speak louder than words. Have you ever seen a woman, a mother or grandmother, who could give you one look - that special look - that made you stop doing a thing you had no business doing in the first place? I had a mother and a great-grandmother who possessed that "look." They didn't have to speak (words) or get a belt and wear me out (actions) - it was just that "look" which for me, was full of actions and words (they were speaking and doing all at once). Even in parenting, you start off by talking and if the talking doesn't help its followed up by actions.
So to assume that people are only talking about "it" is incorrect. We have to communicate. And also, to make the assumption that Spike is "preaching to the choir" is wrong because who ever said the choir was righteous enough to understand or that the choir is well informed, is aware? The choir is present along with the deacons and the congregation, to hear the word. Sometimes it takes more than one sermon, sometimes it takes more than one prayer, sometimes it takes an image to inspire you to do something, even if its spreading the word to other listeners and talkers then eventually someone will be motivated to start that revolution. Obviously it has taken Spike's movie to move people out of a certain comfort level - because Robert Townsend did "Hollywood Shuffle" long before Spike - was anybody listening then? I say we stop belittling the messenger, he's doing his job. And those who are called to lead, lead - those who follow - follow but even then their are leaders who need direction If you are tired of hearing people talk about it, tired of reading what is written about it YOU do something - maybe the revolution is supposed to begin with YOU.
It is really unclear to me why I was annoyed. A hit dog will holler. Maybe I was hit (maybe he was hit which is why he was talking about people doing something - maybe that was a message to himself). We can all do "something" in reference to any cause. We can stand up as individuals or as a group. Many times you may have to stand alone. Rosa Parks did, and from what I've heard - there were other before her who'd done the same thing. Or maybe I was just annoyed, plain and simple.
Paul Revere was the messenger . . . without the messenger . . . what?
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Check out this out . . . see if your boss is listed
here. I found this site after reading an article called Boss or Bully, at
Lexis-Nexis. I can honestly say I've never had a "terrible" boss. All of my supervisors have always been female. I'm not going to say that I've been buddy buddy with them, some were better than others but . . . I can think of some that I did not and do not particularly care for.
Marta in the news. Police officers help to catch one of america's most wanted. I guess they are trying very hard to shed that "keystone cop" image.
I have a story to tell, pertaining to my uncle. It pisses me off every time I think about it. I'm going to write and post it this weekend. But to make a long story short - my uncle and his girlfriend were arrested by Marta police officers for fraud, sharing a Marta card. In court, one of the officers described my uncle as looking suspicious . . . Not that they believed my uncle when he told them 1)he never rides Marta and 2)he was on his way back to his car after dropping off his girlfriend at one of the train stations, she was on her way out of two - using Marta to get to the airport. After going through the gate, she handed my uncle her card and he put it in his pocket and proceeded back to the parking lot (they did all of this knowing that there are cameras all around. But they weren't being watched by cameras but by plain clothes cops. She gave him her card for safe keeping ecause on her last visit to Chicago, she lost her monthly card and had to purchase another one when she returned to Atlanta. But they threw my uncle to the ground, stopped the train and snatched up his girlfriend. Like they were making a big drug bust or something.
I also need to put up the Marta rules. I've received a few emails informing me that the link doesn't work. AND I've received some emails asking why is it that I talk about other things instead of Marta. So I guess there are people reading afterall. But this also means that I must create archives because I have written about Marta, quite often.
There are tenderhearted people in the world. I must tread lightly sometimes, even though I am one of those people. But as I grow older, I'm loosing something. I will try to hang on to it, but it isn't easy sharing a world with the hard and cold hearted. But like I said there are lovely people in the world I keep forgetting because there are so many DING DONGS hanging around who's bells ring loudly, bringing on themselves so much attention - from the police, the media and all sorts of other kinds watchdogs.
A little orange kitten lives in a drain pipe right next to the building I work in. One of the ladies in this building feeds him or her. She has named the cat, Draino (isn't the cute). Anyway, the cat has attracted alot of attention. I've only seen it once, I guess that was him/her, sitting outside the "door" of his little home licking his paws, cleaning up. About three weeks, when we had all of that rain, the lady propped an umbrella outside Draino's entrance and exit, since Draino doesn't have a door, to keep out the wind and rain. There was also a little plate of food set at the entrance. I feel good, knowing that there is a person in the world like this woman who has brought alot of attention to this animal. People, students, faculty, administrators - all gather at the bottom of the hill to see what they can see, catch a glimpse of the little "homeless" friend. There's talk about luring Draino out so that the Humane Society can find a home for her (notice I change up 'cause I don't know if it is a girl or boy). My attention towards the cat is "oh, yeah . . . it is so cute" - I'm not as compassionate towards the cat as other people seem to be around here. I grew up with pets, cats, dogs - we even had a chicken and rooster at one time. I think we ate the chicken (that was its purpose) and I don't know what happened to the rooster. No we didn't live on a farm but my great-grandparents had grown up waaaaaaaaaaaay past the belly of the south. They were the type of people who could live and survive off of the land - make use of all her resources (take note of the movie Dances With Wolves). I want the furry creature to have a home and a family who will love it. No one, nothing should be homeless, but animals are equipped to care for themselves . . . I wonder . . . well, I won't say that. But when I was employed with Georgia State, there were homeless people living in Hurt Park. Sometimes they would wander into the Alumni Hall Building to use the restrooms - they would stink it up but where else were they supposed to go? In most homeless shelters you have to leave in the morning, and cannot return until the end of the day. So if you don't have a job, can't find a job, 'cause no one wants to hire you, then you are left to wander the streets - unfortunately. People, certain people, would call the police to them. Understand, some of the homeless people aren't criminals just like some white collar workers ARE criminals. But stereotypes abound. I recall hearing some of the "higher ups" complain about them living there. They have no place else to go, I would say as well as a few others, but we weren't part of the higher up clique. In fact, the higher up clique made our office erase the words "Jesus is the reason for the season" from our door a few Christmases ago. We put up that phrase as well as all of the others, to celebrate everyone's celebration. But the offense was "Jesus is the reason for the season." We were asked to erase that one phrase, not the others. Well, we erased all of it.
I guess it takes all kinds of people. Not all of us can be doctors. Then who would teach the children? Not all of us can be teachers, then who would clean the stalls? Not all of us can clean the stalls, some of us are called to decorate. Some of us are called to protect, defend, sing, dance, preach . . . we all need each other but it seems like no one realizes that. When I'm crossing the street I need you to see me and slow down. When I'm driving a car, I need for you to be careful and not run out into traffic with the assumption that I'd better not hit you . . . I don't know where all of this is coming from. Some days I'm melancholy. I feel like overdosing the world on prozac so that I can be happy, I don't have a problem being alone. I've been a loner most of my life. I preferred television to talking on the telephone and I preferred books to people. I had my family, and still do with a few friends sprinkled here and there but I still need, regardless to how I feel about most people being cold and hard hearted. I still need for the maintenance man to come if something breaks down. And I won't think I'm better than he just because at the end of the day my hands aren't dirty. And I hope that he doesn't think he is better than me just because he can put things together and take them apart. We all need each other. Why are there people in the world who look down their noses just because you don't read certain books? I've run into a few of those on Blackplanet.com and it is beginning to make me sick. Or those people who just totally ignore you because you find nothing respectful about BET. I am caught up, in between these two types of people. I watch BET from time to time, I enjoy watching Teen Summit with my daughter as well as Heart and Soul. Though I haven't watched recently. But mostly there aren't enough summits representing the wide spectrum of "BLACK" life, and this leaves us people of color confused and angry with BET.
I'm not angry just melancholy. Because I wish people cared for people the way this woman cares for a cat, a sexless cat, named Draino. But I guess there are people who care for animals and there are those who care for people. And then there are those who care for animals because people have broken that final straw. And last, there are people who care for no one, sometimes not even themselves - those are the people I would overdose with prozac.
I have no creative freedom here . . . wanna go and can't . . . wanna sing and fear you might be disturbing someone else . . . wanna add a dab of color or spruce up a design and have it questioned or be told to consult with someone else before making a change . . .
I've concluded, as I continue my walk, trot, run, sashay through adulthood, that there is no such thing as freedom - outside of your heart and mind. No one can tell you who to love and no one can control what you think, but your actions outside of that are controlled. And most times, what comes out of your mouth is monitored. I have no creative freedom and this is why, sometimes in my writing, I'm out of control. When I am in this place, I feel like a bird in a cage . . . But this morning in an email, I received some words of encouragement and inspiration from Tanya Eaton, CEO of Wordsport.com, in regards to self-publishing my novella, Delilah's Fruit. Her words picked me up and returned me to the place where I am supposed to be, and for that, I thank her. And my boyfriend, Carey never lets me down - he is my chief motivator.
On another note, I hope that you have visited The Beautiful People. The writers are a diverse group, and I'm not just talking about black and white, I'm talking about a range based on culture, nationality, knowledge, age . . . it is a great mix - definitely what the world is TRULY made up of. And speaking of the beautiful people, while watching my favorite morning show, GoodDay, it dawned on me that the reporters for WAGA, Fox 5 are beautiful, simply beautiful. All of 'em! I believe it is a requirement when applying for a job, that you look absolutely fabulous all of the time, and be well dressed. Ken Cook's gotta be like a hundred years old. He was doing the weather when I was a kid and LOOK AT HIM!! The man looks absolutely fabulous (he's not that old but he still looks good). All of 'em. Marc, Amanda, Janette, and Russ, always dressed very well - coordinating and stuff. And Cory always looks like he just stepped out of a GQ mag. Even the weather lady, Christy, is cute makes me sick. Hmmm, might be one of the reasons I watch the darn channel, outside of Alley McBeal of course(lol). Naw, I enjoy the news and the crew because they are dedicated, determined and dependable . . . Fox Five News.
Another school problem. Pike Middle School. Happened yesterday, I think and I heard about it this morning. A student called a teacher a cheater. I'm not sure of the specifics. What did the teacher do to prompt the student to call him a cheater. Maybe they were playing a game. Or the teacher showed some type of favoritism to another student. Teachers do that, they did it when I was in school and they still do. Doesn't matter. But in this care, the teacher turned around and said: "How would you like it if I called you a nigger?" What!?!?! Now being called a cheater is one thing but a nigger is totally different. I don't understand the message or lesson this teacher was trying to teach the student(s). But being called a nigger is a big lea into a different kind of ball game, when compared to being called a cheater. Fans are quick to call another team or an umpire - cheater! But has anyone ever called a player or a black umpire, NIGGER!! Nope, well not in this day and age nor to the players face, probably behind his back.
Some white americans seem to be getting pretty comfortable using that word in public. We know that it is probably used behind our backs, when in the company of like people. Its like men using the word bitch or whore. I wonder if this student had been a white female, would the teacher have said: "Hey how would you like it if I called you bitch!" He would have never said that to a white female. Of course I've had people say to me, well there are white derogatory words, such as honky. Give me a break. Honky? Yeah, call a white woman a honky and see what she says. If she's outspoken and very confident she'll probably say: "Yeah, so what at least I taste good. Fuck you! Actually I take that back, a fucking would be too good for you." Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what a white woman would say (if I was white, I'd say it). But then call her a bitch. Yeah, call a white woman a bitch and you'll probably need eye surgery - she'll scratch your eyes out, then sue you for defemation of character. Because the word honky is so weak and nerdy. I don't know of any white people who really care about the use of the word - its outdated and for goodness sake, at one time or another is was an ice cream (chocolate on the outside, white on the inside) . . . like those klondike bars (mmmmmm).
But the word nigger is a powerful word. Men who have used it, hanged men of color from trees. Men who have used it, treated my people like animals with the believe that we were/are inferior to the white race. People who have used the word used it to put us in a place, a sort of "keep'em barefeet and pregnant" kind of place. There is a huge difference between being called a cheater. People are arrested for cheating. If the IRS catches you cheating on your taxes - you're in trouble, CHEATER! Cheater is a character flaw. What the hell is a nigger, just an insult to bring down the self-esteem of a person of color. A word to inflict pain and self doubt - dredge up memories of a past when it was okay to yell NIGGER in a crowded room full of black people and have them say nothing/do nothing - just take the insult.
My energy level has taken a nose dive. Sometimes this place, has that type of affect on me. It is a negative thing . . . since I've been here I have gained 25 pounds, my blood pressure is up and every Sunday I go through this stage of depression. I'm tired. I'm tired of being an errand girl.
I asked my supervisor, some time ago, if there was a chance that this position I fill, would be upgraded, changed and she looked me straight in the eye and said no. Of course, how silly of me - what right did I have to ask such a question - I've only been here since January of this year. This position is involved with alot of web work and running reports - figuring out things on my own - heaven forbid I should pick a name from the directory and ask for help - i'd get the royal run around for sure and end up wasting time I don't have. Ultimately I'm tired . . . tired of being a "dressed up" errand girl. Three days later, after speaking with my super about changing the title/grade of this position, someone asked me "what is it that you do, what is your title?" I thought for a second because I really, truly honestly do not know. Then I turned to this person and replied: "I'm the office manager." Then my supervisor piped in: "No. She's in charge of all of our web stuff." What does that mean? Sure a title upgrade would increase my salary but that's all that would change. I've been thinking about keeping a log of everything I do - tracking how much time is spent on updating the site. But I don't think it will do much good.
I was just asked to run an errand. Didn't know where I was going. I leave at 5pm and was asked to perform this task at 4:35pm. I've tried to be happy here, I have. But today . . . it is hard. Right now my chest is hurting. Last week I stayed home one day because my chest was hurting. I'm too young for this right? Nope, a lady working in another office died earlier this year from a heartattack. She was 31 years old. I'm working on my attitude. I'm sure its more me, yeah that's it. More me.
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Eyes Wide Shut is an interesting movie, pissed me off at the end a bit - not enough sex (lol). I enjoyed the mystery of it all. I didn't rent it, waited for it to show up on HBO. I liked it (not enough sex). I'm a Tom Cruise fan, love that smile -
swoon (not enough sex). What was up with the music in this movie? How many times did the guy's finger get stuck in between the piano keys . . . kinda freaky. Also found Tom's character in Magnolia odd but Ioved that underwear scene.
